Episode No. 108 How To Speak Up for Yourself + Have Tough Conversations
“Staying silent to keep the peace can be a good thing, but if the peace has already been disturbed, staying quiet won’t make anything better. Summon your courage and speak up when you feel the need to.”
-Doe Zantamata
Okay, time for a little bit of an experiment.
Raise your hand if you like confrontation.
Okay, now raise your hand if you like hurting other people's feelings.
Hmm, very interesting, no hands.
Okay, how about this? Raise your hand if it's super easy for you to express that you're disappointed with someone you love.
See that? Not a single hand was raised. Why? Because most of us recovering people pleasers HATE being real about our not so perfect feelings and having tough conversations with those we love.
And I'm not talking about just regular old-- "I'm sorry, but I can't make it the party"-- conversations. I'm talking about those heart to heart, "this may hurt you more than it hurts me"-- conversations.
You know the ones I'm talking about; the conversations where you have to admit to your very best friend that they hurt your feelings and you just can't shake it. Or that you've been feeling neglected in your relationship. Or perhaps your parents seem to support your siblings more than you.
So what do we (recovering people pleasers) have the tendency to do? We play small, stay quiet, suppress our feelings, and shut down. We'd much rather keep the supposed peace by not speaking our minds or standing up for ourselves.
Our efforts to not rock the boat and keep the peace winds up doing more harm than good. When we don't speak up for ourselves and honor our feelings, we subconsciously tell ourselves that our experiences don't matter. That other's people's wellness and comfort are more important than our own. It's a deep self-betrayal that causes resentment, low self-worth, and disrespect of our own souls. Damn, that's deep, ain't it?
So what should we do? How the heck do you speak up for yourself when you've been being nice and playing silent for so long? Well, that's what we're going to figure out together in today's episode; we're digging deep to explore how to stop hiding, speak up and tackle challenging conversations.
Resources Mentioned In Today’s Episode:
This post contains affiliate links. This means if you decide to purchase an item that is linked I will receive a portion of the sales to help fund The SJS Podcast! Thanks for the support *
*[Affiliate link for Betterhelp]—Ready to start talking with a licensed therapist? Get 10% off of your first month of counseling when you try Better Help. Check out TryBetterHelp.Com/SJSPodcast to start today!
Sign up for The Re: Focus Newsletter— a weekly newsletter helping you get back on track + finish the week strong!
Episode No. 105 The Truth About Being Nice— Is It Doing More Harm Than Good?
Calm The Chaos Cards by Nicola Ries Taggart
The Baggage Reclaim Sessions With Natalie Lue
